A letter to a friend
This is an apology in regards to our previous, most recent conversations. I apologise. I write a lot, i’m much better at writing than speaking. My writing is either about personal things, or it’s an inspirational piece to provide optimism is this sometimes dark world.
I’m not trying to compete with you here, because obviously I don’t know your circumstances and not being you I will never understand completely how you feel… but i’ve been surrounded with depression all my life. I go in & out of phases of it myself. I constantly have massive struggles with Anxiety. I also have OCD! I have panic attacks, phobias, and post traumatic stress from past experiences.
I don’t often tell friends about these things, or try to explain them because I don’t want everyone to know my battles! My youngest sister has been struggling with depression too for a few years now. Her friend hung herself last year. Depression seems to be everywhere these days, more and more it’s hard to escape the effects of it, and it’s a huge challenge to live with. My partner has been coping with many mental illnesses too, he’s been into a mental hospital a couple of times and has been through series of medication and psychiatrists to treat it all. It’s a hard journey, but I know it’s one worth pursuing because life is about learning and you will always come out better off the more you take in.
I’ve had experiences of sickness, and death in my life too. The major instances: Someone in my class drowned in high school. My pop had numerous strokes, bowel failure, and then I didn’t get to see him for a couple of years before he passed away. I regreted that so much but I know he would want me to take his life experiences and improve my life through the wonderful memories he provided.
I don’t want you to think i’m just trying to play down your situation like it’s no big deal, because i’m sure it is huge for you. Nothing i’m saying here, or in the past has been to purposefully bring you down, or make you feel like your not strong enough. It’s the complete opposite really. I get that my perspectives and points of view may come across too blunt or harsh, but it’s never the effect i’m going for. It actually hurts me a bit to know that a lot of time i’m read the wrong way and missinterpreted. But i’m definitely not trying to cause a scene and get the spotlight all to myself. I’m really just trying to use the power of positivity and optimism, and it’s always to try and help people in life. I’m not going to try force my advice down anyone’s throat. I’m just trying to help people see things in a new fresh light, and with a brand new energy that they will feel like they are on a natural high. I believe it’s got a lot to do with the attitudes each person brings into each situation, I just wan’t to bring out the cheerfulness in everyone.
I think that honesty and truth brings you a far way in life, and that you should always speak what’s on your mind, because if you don’t you will never know where it could take you, and when you do it’s a whole new road that will pay off with much greatness. I’m not sure what you will think about everything i’ve just said, or what you will take from it. Just know that i’m not trying to affect you negatively, i’m not trying to cause pain. I honestly want you to feel good, I hope that you will feel better about life and be able celebrate it with happiness too.
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End. I hope this works, I don’t want to effect people badly who are in a dark state of depression. I wan’t the opposite. It’s really hard to get people to see eye to eye with me. In some situations I have to do everything I can in order to not fuel the fire, I want to avoid shit hitting the fan big time, because the stress of it all is not worth dealing with.
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Hope whoever reads this is having a nice day/night.
Peace. <3<3 Lora Emily.
